The Dirt Field

I love her. She was my entire world for a few days, and for a few days, the rest of the world didn’t matter.

• I´ve known you a little less than a month. Time does fly by. In so little time you have shown me something I didn´t think I had in me. Some kind of crazyness. I´ve never been impulsive in that way before…and I´ve never felt so alive (for a long, long, long time). Even though this kind of hurts (yeah, I could lie and say that it doesn´t, but…I want to be honest with you) I would not wish to be without the experience. You gave me a really nice week in Lyon. A week that allowed me to relax and let some worries just be. I really needed that. And you gave me faith in that love is greater than I imagined. That it´s a strong force (and that I still have it in me). You gave me some sort of faith in life, and love…all over again. Just by being you. Because you are an amazing person, and you will allways have a place in my heart. I wish nothing but good things for you. 
  
  This is not a easy decision, but I still think you did the right thing. I know that I´m not big on decisions like this, and I really respect you for taking it. It will probably just hurt more the longer we try. It was kind of an impossible project from the start. One part of me still want´s to think of love stronger than differences, distance and cultures. But I can also see that this thing is so much more than just that. We would actually never survive this. The dream is so different from the real world. Still I have this good feeling (among all the other feelings and thoughts flying around) of you accepting me as a person, and I believe you when you say that you love me (maybe I´m a bit naive, but still). And I hope that you believe me too, when I say that I love you. Your personality hit something in me. Deep down inside. I don´t actually know what or where. But you hit something. It makes me want nothing than good things for you. A happy life. A good education and a nice job. The life you want for yourself. And I know that I am not that person who can makes this happen. I can´t be that person. You belong with someone who makes you happy, who can give you all that you need and want. And that´s still not me. The logical me helps me to let you go at this point. And, hopefully, in the furture our friendship will be filled by this feeling; that I only want happiness for you.. 
  
  Because I still want you as my friend. I promised you that I wouldn´t just dissapear, and I´m trying not to fail that promise. I know that some distance can be nice in the start…to not confuse the head and heart too much. But eventually I would like to see you again. Have long talks, sushi and a bottle of wine. Maybe even travel some with you. That could be nice. We´ll see. So, I´m not mad at you. And I understand more than you know how right this decision is. My heart is just a little bit more slow than my brain. I know that I´ll be thankfull for you not wanting to hurt me, in the future. I think this might be easier for you too, because I have no intension of hurting you either. 
  
  I hope that we stay in touch. And that you feel free to contact me as well. Take care of yourself, M!
  
  Love, K…