Back to square one
Just when I thought things were starting to clear up, everything got muddled again, and I’m back to zero. Friday night began amazing. Gui picked me up at work, we had a drink. As usual, great banter, incredible sexual tension, easy, fun, natural. We drove to his parent’s house and sat through dinner with them and their American exchange student and it was quite pleasant. His dad is very cultured, his mom is incredibly and made the most amazing rabbit, his siblings are nice, and I felt closer and more at home with them than I do with my own family.
We took a walk after dinner, under the stars. He lives outside of the city, or at least his parents do, and we walked to a little lake that looked like it belonged in the Disney movie The Little Mermaid. There was a weeping tree, and we laid on the grass for hours, talking, laughing, cuddling, kissing. When we got back to this parents house hours later, everyone had gone to bed, so we got in his car and drove to his place.
And then….everything went downhill. It started out great. We laughed more. Kissed more intensely. Hands were groping. Skin was touching skin. I took his shirt off slowly, taking advantage of the first time I got to feel his naked torso, my hands slowly running over each and every muscle, caressing, my lips brushing agaisnt his naked skin. I took his pants off more urgently, our bodies becoming a whirlwind of naked skin and flesh and muscle and roaming fingers, our heartbeats accelerated and our desires mounting. And then…nothing. He couldn’t really get it up properly, when he sort of did he didn’t really know what to do, and that was that.
And so there is no sexual chemistry.
I fell asleep in his arms though, and that was still one of the most pleasant experiences of my life. We woke up at 6 am for him to drive to parent’s because they were leaving for a wedding at 7am. He dropped me off and I managed to get about 4 hours of sleep before my body woke up.
I spent saturday morning with A. lounging in the living room. Because we hadn’t seen each other in a few days, our bodies just went for it. Rough, animalistic sex on my bed and I loved it. Saturday afternoon, I got a new haircut (new look! love it) and met up with Georgia…and then got my phone stolen (still bummed out about that). Rendez vous at the flat at 8 pm with A and Juliette for an apero before we headed off to Chloes, where A decided to get deep and give me a talk on how he never dates and never has girlfriends, but he sees us going places, he hasn’t clicked with a girl like he does with me in a while, emotionally, physically and intellectually. He reckons that he can grow deep feelings for me and really grow to care for me and so would I please not offhandedly say things like ‘If Tyler weren’t gay I’d be with him’ or ‘I can’t wait to fuck off to Oz’ because they hurt him.
I, of course, being the chicken shit that I am, went along and just nodded and said yes, I want this too, I’ll be more careful, I feel the same way, don’t worry about it, nothing will happen, I already really care for you too. We went over to Ambassade and danced for couple of hours before heading home and deciding that the thrill of getting caught in the living by Oliv was not too much for us to handle, but not having sex was. Our clothes were ripped off our bodies. He penetrated me from behind, standing up, me leaning over the couch. We fell over into the couch, grabbed our clothes and moved into my bedroom, where we had the roughest sex I’ve had in awhile. We fell off the bed when trying to switch from doggy style into something more horizontal, our bodies tangled into a mess of limbs and torsos and our laughter ringing out throughout my room. He held me and we laughed for awhile, until our bodies became too hungry for each other again. It feels so, fucking, good to have him inside of me. And then, I fell asleep in his arms too. And that was also quite lovely.
Between that and the amazing time we had the rest of the night at Ambassade, and the lovely sunday afternoon where I went to his center while he worked for a bit and then he took me to Ile de Barbe, where we ate pastries and lounged by the river, I’m completely, utterly undecided once again.
Oy vey.
